I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
