And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
