I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And then he peed in my hair
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