I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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