i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
