Screwed.edu
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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