White coat. Heels.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
