You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
