You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
