he referred to my room as the tit cave...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
