Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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