That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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