Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
