I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
