it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
