Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's official drugs can't kill me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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