Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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