didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
