I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
