I can tuck mytits in my pants
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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