Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
