just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
