Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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