it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
