you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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