My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
