Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
