You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
