i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
do herpes really smell.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
