I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
