mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
