he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
