so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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