ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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