I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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