After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
