Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
