Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
