I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
