I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
