The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
