i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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