Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
