You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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