His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
