I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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