i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
