Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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