She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
