Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
