haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"