did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.