It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...