If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
