Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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