watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
