at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
