don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
