this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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