She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my liver is dry heaving
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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