I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
