i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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