You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
