The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize