No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
