You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think my mom watched the whole time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
