we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
