I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
