i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
