quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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