That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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