...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
