I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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