god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
