Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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