I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
