halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
