I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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