Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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