some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
