can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize